Hamtaro's ExTrEmElY dEmEnTeD 12 Days o' Xmas
by GenieMaster
Summary: Oh man, I'm actually starting to feel sorry for Laura...after chapter 4...
1. Day 1: Kris Kringle Complex

Okay, this is my attempt at a little bit o' Christmas humor. Unfortunately, this means that I probably won't get the next chappie of The Untold Hamtaro up for awhile, but this fic should keep you occupied. So READ IT! NOW!!!  
  
Oh yeah, I'm writing this cuz john sent me a review of The Untold Hamtaro telling me to do a Christmas special. So here it is! Enjoy!  
  
And also, I don't own the song "Santa Baby," by Madonna.  
  
~  
  
"Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!" Laura exclaimed, twirling around in circles in the middle of the kitchen and almost running into her father when he rushed out of the bathroom with a flaming newspaper. "Only twelve days til Christmas! La la la la laaaaaa!"  
  
"Have you made your list for Santa yet?" her mother asked, at the same time watching her husband through the window as he rolled around on the ground outside trying to put out the fire that was devouring his shirt.  
  
"Nope," Laura replied. "I can't decide what I want."  
  
"Well why don't you go think about it?" her mother asked. "Here. This should get you started." She pulled a ginormous stack of catalogs out of the refrigerator and handed it to her daughter, consequently causing her to collapse on the floor, hidden by holiday issues of "Lots of Stuff for You" and "Buy It NOW!" (A/N: Creative catalog names, eh?)  
  
"What's this one?" Laura asked, poking her head up from under the avalanche of unrealistically thin underwear models and ads for pathetically generic "specialty gifts," covered in paper cuts. She held up a catalog with a picture of The King on the front, with the title "Elvis Fans Unite!" smeared across the top.  
  
Marian snatched it away from her. "He's alive, I'm telling you!" she said, then sulked off into the corner to read up on the latest Elvis sighting.  
  
"Okay, whatever," Laura sighed, and shrugged. Then she picked up a few of the scattered catalogs and headed to her room.  
  
~  
  
"What do you think of this?" Laura asked her pet hamster, flipping to a page with a giant picture of an automatic blender/chainsaw and holding it in front of his cage for him to see.  
  
"Cool. What the crap is it?" Hamtaro thought, peering between the metal bars.  
  
"Or maybe this?" Laura said, picking up a different catalog and opening to a page with an assortment of Mr. Potato Heads. "Let's see...African- American Mr. Potato Head...Albino Mr. Potato Head...Asian Mr. Potato Head...Medieval Warrior Mr. Potato Head...I can't pick which one I like best!" Laura closed the catalog and threw it back on top of the stack on her desk. "There's too much stuff here. How will I ever start? Hmm..."  
  
As Hamtaro watched with mild to elevated interest, Laura took a sheet of paper and a pencil from her desk and started to scribble a heading to her list.  
  
"Dear Santa." Laura bit the end of her pencil, studying the two scratchy words that looked like they had been written by a two-year-old. "Nah." She crumpled up the piece of paper and tossed it behind her, then started again on a fresh one. "How about... 'Greetings, Santa Claus'? No, way too formal. 'Hi, Santa'? No, no, no..."  
  
Hamtaro paced back and forth in his cage. This was getting stupid. And boring.  
  
"Santa, baby..."  
  
Hamtaro's ears perked up. Did Laura just say 'baby'?  
  
"Santa baby, just leave a sable under the tree, for me..."  
  
Okay, now this was getting really scary. Laura wasn't just writing a Christmas list. She was singing it.  
  
"I've been an awful good girl, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight!"  
  
"What's wrong with you, Laura?" Hamtaro wanted to scream. However, the unfortunate fact that he was a hamster left him at a loss as he was unable to get his message across to his owner, who was now dancing across her floor and holding the paper to her chest like a precious treasure.  
  
"Santa baby, a shiny new convertible too, light blue, I'll wait up for you dear, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight!"  
  
Now satisfied that his owner had completely lost it, Hamtaro scurried out of his cage, not worrying about being seen since at the moment, Laura was completely absorbed in her own little world. Then he made off for the clubhouse to seek the advice of someone who might possibly understand what the heck had happened to Laura's head.  
  
"Think of all the fun I've missed.think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed!" Laura ceased singing for a brief moment to sigh "Travis." and then continued even louder. "Next year I could be oh so good, if you'd check off my Christmas list! Boo doo bee doo."  
  
~  
  
"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..."  
  
Boss was singing to himself as he and the other Ham-Hams decked the clubhouse out for the holidays. They had all agreed to get together and brighten the atmosphere of the room on this particular day, but it didn't really come as a surprise to anyone that Hamtaro was late as usual.  
  
"And the most beautiful sight to see is the holly that will be on your own front door!" Boss sang as he opened the door to hang a wreath outside and was, most unfortunately, immediately plowed down by a certain rampaging orange and white hamster. Ignoring the initial pain he had delivered upon his field hamster friend as well as the pawprints left on his forehead, Hamtaro went got straight to the point and confronted the brains of the bunch with his Christmas-related dilemma.  
  
"Max, you gotta help me!" Hamtaro shouted as he entered the room. "Something's horribly wrong with Laura! She's gone completely nuts! I'm telling you! I don't know...why...why...why you're all wearing elf costumes."  
  
It was true. In fact, every last one of them from Penelope to Snoozer was wearing an elf outfit, except Boss, who was decked out in a complete Santa suit, white-trimmed hat and all. The Boss Elf, as they say.  
  
Maxwell sighed. "Boss is very enthusiastic this year, ever since last year when 'Santa' finally paid him a visit. Poor guy still hasn't figured out that it was Elder-ham. Anyway, they say you can't have too much of a good thing, but if you ask me Boss has an extreme overload of Christmas spirit, to the grievous misfortune of all the rest of us. He actually made these outfits himself and practically held us at gunpoint until we all agreed to wear them."  
  
"I dunno, I think I look purty good in these elf tights!" Howdy said, laughing.  
  
"Are you sure it was a mirror and not me that you were looking at?" Dexter asked with a smirk.  
  
"But anyway," Maxwell continued, breaking in before an argument broke out, "what was it you were asking me about?"  
  
"Oh yeah!" Hamtaro said, quickly remembering his unlikely plight and Laura's horrific singing. "Laura's gone completely crazy! She was in her room, making out her Christmas list for Santa, and then suddenly she just started...singing! And dancing, too!"  
  
Maxwell considered this for a moment, then said "It's nothing to worry about. It's a simple, common case of Kris Kringle Complex."  
  
"Kris Kringle Complex?" Hamtaro asked. "What's that?"  
  
"Another name for Pre-Christmas Fever. Common in the younger generation. It's just an outburst of pent-up holiday excitement."  
  
"Oh." Hamtaro sighed. "Darn. I was hoping it was something more exciting."  
  
"Isn't Kris Kringle the name of one of the Rice Krispies guys?" Oxnard asked, his mouth starting to water.  
  
There was a momentary awkward silence. No one really knew what the heck Oxnard was talking about. Or what it had to do with anything.  
  
Then Maxwell explained it. "No, Kris Kringle is another name for Santa Claus," he said with a sigh. "Honestly. You're hopeless. Completely hopeless."  
  
Boss, having recovered from his trampling, then entered the clubhouse.  
  
"Here's your elf suit," he told Hamtaro, holding out something that looked like it belonged in a Dr. Suess book and certainly not on a hamster.  
  
"Uh...thanks, I think," Hamtaro said weakly, taking the costume and feeling like he might throw up. "I'll uh...I'll just uh..."  
  
"You'll put it on right now is what you'll do," Boss said for him.  
  
I guess I don't have a choice, Hamtaro thought to himself. Oh well, at least I'll fit in. With that, he took a deep breath and pulled the little brightly-colored shirt over his head, put on the tights and to top it all off a little green hat with a bell on the end.  
  
"Good," Boss said, satisfied. "Now let's get back to decorating."  
  
~  
  
Marian was just finishing washing dishes when the doorbell rang.  
  
"Coming," she called, and quickly dried her hands. When she opened the door she was surprised to see a police man standing outside, and her husband standing next to him.  
  
"This your husband?" the police officer asked in a gruff voice.  
  
"Oh, Forrest," Marian sighed. "Yes, thank you officer."  
  
"He was running around outside the police station screaming 'Fire!' We had to call in the rescue squad and the SWAT team to get him under control and put the fire out."  
  
"I'm so sorry," Marian said. "Come on, Forrest." She pulled her husband inside and closed the door. A second later she opened the door again and poked her head out a few inches.  
  
"Really sorry," she whispered to the officer. "It won't happen again."  
  
"That's what you said the last four times," he replied irritably.  
  
"Here," Marian said, and handed the police man a few bucks. "Buy your wife something pretty for Christmas."  
  
The officer took the money, counted it, and then looked back at her.  
  
"With three dollars?" he asked.  
  
Marian gave a smug smile and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes sir. Goodbye now." She slammed the door and went back to work at the sink.  
  
The police officer stood there for a moment, looking back and forth between the money in his hands and the little "Merry Christmas" reindeer head hanging on the Harunas' front door. Then he sighed.  
  
"I don't even have a wife." He turned dejectedly and ambled off to spend the money on something useless.  
  
~  
  
It had been a long day of decorating at the clubhouse, and now Hamtaro was wearily wandering home when he remembered that Maxwell hadn't actually mentioned any cure for Kris Kringle Complex. He could only hope that Laura had gotten over it.  
  
However, just as he slipped back into her room.  
  
"Santa honey, I wanna yacht and really that's not a lot.I've been an angel all year, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!!!!!!!"  
  
The last "tonight" was too much. It was so loud and drawn-out that the entire roof of the house actually burst off and came crashing back down with a thud.  
  
"Laura, honey, everything alright up there?" her mother called from downstairs.  
  
"Yes mother dearest!" Laura called back, not noticing poor Hamtaro who had been petrified and eternally scarred by the horrid incident.  
  
~  
  
Laura smiled as she wrote in her journal that night, though the hamster sitting on her desk was still frozen with his fur standing straight on end and his eyes huge and staring.  
  
"Only eleven days until Christmas!" Laura told her journal. "I can't wait! Today I sang a lot. I think Hamtaro really liked it."  
  
Hamtaro didn't make any comment. He was still frozen in place.  
  
"Well, tomorrow was a great day, and tomorrow will be even better!" Laura said, as usual, bending down towards her hamster.  
  
Still no comment from the pitiable rodent.  
  
~  
  
Well, there's day 1. I dunno, I think that was pretty stupid.but I'm planning on doing all 12 days as long as I get a single good review.no wait, make that two, since I know that Steffers will give me a wonderful review no matter what kind of crap I write. Ok , so send me your reviews and tell me what you honestly think of it. It's supposed to be a Christmas fic. I think. 


	2. Day 2: When Chickens and Snowmen Attack

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to all who reviewed chapter one, especially Animegirl0014 for the suggestion! Hope you like how that worked out (I had fun with it!). Here's chapter two, sorry for the delay!!!  
  
Once again I do not own Madonna's "Santa Baby." Also, I don't own the song "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer," although I don't know who it's by. Heheheh ^_^  
  
~  
  
The next day dawned bright and clear. Laura was soon up and off to school, and not long afterwards Hamtaro was on his way to the clubhouse. Marian was tidying up the house a bit in preparation for the coming holiday, and, walking by the door to Laura's room, noticed that she had forgotten to make her bed again.  
  
"Must I do everything for her?" she said with a sigh. She put down the basket of clean laundry she was carrying and slipped into Laura's room. As she was smoothing out the sheets under her daughter's pillow, her hand moved across a slightly wrinkled sheet of paper.  
  
"What's this?" Marian asked herself, pulling out the piece of paper and reading it over. "Oh my..."  
  
~  
  
That morning, there was also a fair amount of excitement outside the school. As Laura and Kana approached, they noticed a crowd gathered near the school chicken coop.  
  
"What's going on?" Kana asked as they mingled with the crowd.  
  
"It's Mr. Yoshi!" another student replied.  
  
Sure enough, their very own teacher was sprawled on the ground, apparently quite unconscious.  
  
"Oh wow!" Laura said with a bit too much enthusiasm. "This reminds me of a song!"  
  
Kana just sighed and smacked herself in the forehead as a musical prelude began in the background.  
  
"Mr. Yoshi got run over by a reindeer!" Laura began. "Comin' home from school on Christmas Eve! Now you may say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Kana, we believe!"  
  
Before long, the entire student body had joined in the singing, except for Kana, who was curled up on the ground quietly repeating to herself "It's all just a dream...a very bad dream..."  
  
"He'd been grading papers for too long, and he knew it was time to go, but he hadn't drank his coffee, and he stumbled out the door into the snow! When we found him Christmas morning, at the scene of the attack, there were hoofprints on his forehead, and incriminating Claus marks on his back! Oooooooohhhhhhhhh! Mr. Yoshi got run over by a reindeer, comin' home from school on Christmas Eve, and you can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Fat Kid, we believe!"  
  
"Hey, I'm not fat!" said Fat Kid. (A/N: You know who I'm talking about...the chubby guy who ripped Kana's 'skitch'? Remember that? You know you do!)  
  
"Now we're all real proud of Charlotte, she's been takin' this real well, see her in there watchin' football, drinking beer and playing cards with her cow, Belle! But it's not Christmas without Yoshi, all his students are dressed in black, and his mom can't help but wonder, should she open up his gifts or take them back? Yeah, Mr. Yoshi got run over by a reindeer, comin' home from school on Christmas Eve, now you can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Travis, we believe!"  
  
"Uhh...what's this got to do with me?" Travis asked cluelessly, who had just walked up behind the group of students.  
  
"Just because I love you, Travis!" Laura replied. "Don't you love me?"  
  
Travis gave her a funny look. "I'm the most popular guy at school!" he said. "Why in the world would I want to waste my time with a girl like you?" He spit on the ground and walked away.  
  
"Oh well." Laura sighed and continued singing. "Now the goose is on the table, and the pudding made of fig, and his girl Charlotte isn't lonely, because she eats her dinner with her pigs. I've warned all my friends and neighbors, better watch out for yourselves, they should never give a license, to a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves. OOOOOOOHHHHHHH Mr. Yoshi got run over by a reindeer, comin' home from school on Christmas Eve! YOU can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Eight Ball, we believe!"  
  
"Eight Ball?" Kana inquired, breaking out of her trance for long enough to question Laura.  
  
"Yeah man! I asked my Magic Eight Ball if he believes in Santa. He does! See?" Laura pulled a Magic Eight Ball out of her backpack. She whispered "Do you believe in Santa?" to it and gave it a nice shake.  
  
"Whaddaya mean, 'try again'?" Laura asked it when its answer drifted into view. "You freakin' piece of crap!" She tossed the thing behind her, and it fell right on Mr. Yoshi's head, who had just happened at that moment to be waking up. Unfortunately, the Eight Ball incident knocked his lights right back out.  
  
"Also, there's several things wrong with your song," Kana continued.  
  
"Yeah? Name one," Laura replied.  
  
"Okay. 1. It's not Christmas. 2. Mr. Yoshi isn't here on Christmas Eve. Teachers get a break too, ya know. 3. He didn't get run over by a reindeer. He got run over by a chicken. That's why he fainted. You know how much chickens scare him. So instead of 'hoofprints on his forehead, and incriminating Claus marks on his back,' try 'chicken footprints on his forehead, and incriminating feathers on his back.' 5. Charlotte has no idea that this happened. Neither does she watch football or drink beer. However, the playing cards with her cow I could believe...And the part about eating dinner with her pigs... 6. In case you haven't noticed, we're not dressed in black."  
  
"I am!" shouted some random kid.  
  
Kana threw a shoe at him.  
  
Then she continued her list of why Laura's song was inaccurate.  
  
"7. It's very politically incorrect to give someone the nickname of 'Fat Kid.' 8. Santa doesn't need a license cuz nobody can catch him. 9. Magic Eight Balls just give answers randomly. You can't actually say that yours believes in Santa just cuz it said so once."  
  
"Hey!" Laura said. "It took me 17 tries to get it to say yes! You should respect that!"  
  
Kana sighed. "And finally, reason number ten: MR. YOSHI ISN'T DEAD!!!"  
  
"Are you sure?" asked Fat Kid, poking the teacher with a stick.  
  
~  
  
"Hamtaro! Get over here! Quick!"  
  
Hamtaro turned his head as he heard Boss shout to him from behind a bush near the clubhouse. As he approached, he noticed that all the other Ham- Hams were there as well. And that instead of elf outfits, now they were all wearing army helmets.  
  
"Hmm? What's going on?" Hamtaro asked, joining them.  
  
"Keep it down, would ya!" Boss whispered to him, then put one arm around Hamtaro's shoulders and started whispering in his ear. "They're everywhere. They're out to get us. We have to stop them."  
  
Hamtaro cocked his head to one side. "Heke? Boss, are you feeling okay?"  
  
"SHH!!!" Boss said, making Hamtaro shrink back, startled.  
  
"Who's out to get us?" Hamtaro whispered.  
  
Boss's eyes shifted left and right, scanning the field for a moment before he answered the question. "The snowmen..." he whispered, quite seriously, into Hamtaro's ear.  
  
"Uhh..." a sweatdrop formed on the back of his head while the thought raced through his head that perhaps Boss had gone just a pinch insane.  
  
"I think he's gone a pinch insane," Cappy whispered to Hamtaro. "I didn't see any snowm-"  
  
"GET BACK IN LINE, SOLDIER!!!" Boss shouted. Immediately Cappy fell back in line. Boss glared at the others, and they all straightened up and saluted him.  
  
"Better. Now, we need a plan of action."  
  
"Permission to speak, sir," Panda said nervously.  
  
"Go ahead, soldier," Boss replied.  
  
"I made some machine guns out of snow if that helps," Panda suggested.  
  
"Are you crazy? You can't make machine guns out of - OOF!!!" Boss was cut off as he was hit repeatedly by a barrage of snowballs that must have been going at least 500 miles per hour.  
  
"PENELOPE?! HOW DID YOU GET A HOLD OF THAT?!" Panda shouted, snatching the snow-machine gun away from Penelope, who had accidentally fired it at Boss. "Eh...heheheh..."  
  
"GIMME THAT!" Boss shouted, taking the machine gun from Panda. He examined the weapon, then nodded to himself in a self-satisfied manner. "Okay soldier. How many of these did you make?"  
  
"Enough for all of us," Panda replied.  
  
"Alright then. If you would kindly supply each of us with one of these guns..."  
  
"Yessir," Panda said, and distributed the snow-machine guns.  
  
"Okay, soldiers, here's the deal," Boss started, pacing up and down the line of hamsters as they were each provided with a snow-machine gun. "This is a dangerous mission. As you probably know, some of us - many of us - may not return home tonight. Many of us may lose our lives on the field of battle this very day."  
  
The same thought was running through all of their heads - Boss had completely lost it. But none of them dared speak up against him, so they all just kept quiet and pretended to be inspired by his words.  
  
"I admire your courage, all of you," Boss continued. "The snowmen are a deadly bunch, and your will to go out there and fight - well, it brings a - a tear to my eye." Boss sniffed and wiped a tear from his eye. "But now, soldiers, the time has come to stand up and demand our rights! Yes, some will die, but thus is the cost of freedom! Now, are you with me?"  
  
There was an awkward silence as the Ham-Hams cast each other skeptical glances, wondering what to say...  
  
"I SAID ARE YOU WITH ME?!" Boss shouted. Right away, they all saluted and shouted "AYE SIR!" in reply.  
  
"THEN LET'S GO KICK SOME SNOWMAN BUTT!!!" Boss yelled, and with a wave of his arm, led them into battle.  
  
(A/N: Imagine one of those scenes at the beginning of a battle like in a war movie, where it's all slow motion and stuff? Okay, sorry...heheheh)  
  
After a few moments, Boss suddenly leapt behind a tree and pressed his back against it, motioning silently for the others to follow him. Then he peered out from behind the tree and narrowed his eyes at a figure not too far beyond.  
  
"Ah yes," Boss whispered, either to himself or to the others no one was sure. "There's one of them...just look at that stupid grin on his face, acting so innocent and unawares..."  
  
Indeed, the snowman did have a stupid grin. Made of coal, in fact.  
  
"When I give the signal, we attack," Boss told them.  
  
"What's the signal?" Dexter asked.  
  
"The signal is..." Boss thought about it for a minute. "The signal is...ATTACK!!!"  
  
He rushed out from behind the tree at the snowman and started firing his snow-machine gun at it. The others just shrugged and followed him. By the time they were done, there were so many holes in the poor snowman it looked more like a piece of white swiss cheese.  
  
"Nice work, soldiers," Boss said, wiping sweat from his forehead. He surveyed his army and said happily "And not a single casualty!"  
  
"Boss, I don't think snowmen can fight back," Oxnard told him. "At least this one sure didn't."  
  
"FOOL!" Boss said angrily. "If he didn't fight back, then how did this happen?" Boss pointed to the tear in his left ear.  
  
"Boss, you've had that for as long as we've known you," Hamtaro answered.  
  
"Oh I have not," Boss said. "If this war is a joke to you, then why don't you just go home?!" Boss crossed his arms and glared at all of them.  
  
Two minutes later they were all back at the clubhouse enjoying a nice cup of hot chocolate.  
  
While Boss destroyed innocent snowmen.  
  
~  
  
"Forrest, look what I found in Laura's room."  
  
Forrest looked up from behind his newspaper which, luckily, was not on fire, and said "Yeah?"  
  
Marian held out a piece of paper.  
  
"What's this?" Forrest asked.  
  
"It's Laura's Christmas list," she replied. "I found it under her pillow this morning."  
  
"And?" Forrest asked, wondering why Laura's Christmas list was so important.  
  
"Well, it's...it just doesn't sound like Laura. It's weird," Marian replied. "Listen to this: Santa honey, I want a yacht and really that's not a lot..."  
  
"So Laura wants a yacht," Forrest said. "What's wrong with that?"  
  
"I'll tell you what's wrong with it: A shiny new convertible too, light blue..."  
  
Suddenly, Forrest seemed to be struck with inspiration. He started tapping his foot, then he stood up and took the list from his wife and read it over, humming the song as he went along.  
  
And then, he started singing.  
  
"Santa cutie, there's one thing I really do need, the deed, to a platinum mine, Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight!"  
  
Marina held her head in her hands and started groaning. "Oh God, not you too."  
  
"Santa baby, fill my stocking with a duplex!" Forrest sang on. "And checks! Sign your 'X' on the line, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight!"  
  
Marian sighed. "Well.if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." She linked arms with her husband and they danced in circles, singing together.  
  
"Come and trim my Christmas tree, with some decorations bought at Tiffany's! I really do believe in you, let's see if you believe in me, boo doo bee doo!"  
  
And when poor Laura arrived home from school, she stopped short and stared wide-eyed when she saw her parents laughing and dancing and singing drunkenly, throwing confetti everywhere too.  
  
"Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing," her father said.  
  
"A ring!" her mother continued the song. "I don't mean on the phone!"  
  
And then together - "Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight!!!"  
  
"You read my list?!" Laura screamed. Then she took off for her room while her parents completely ignored her and kept right on dancing and singing and laughing and hurling confetti.  
  
~  
  
"Today was really weird," Laura started writing in her journal that night while Hamtaro munched away on a seed. "First of all, Mr. Yoshi got run over by one of Santa's chickens!"  
  
"That doesn't hold a candle to the little war we had today," Hamtaro thought to himself. "I wonder if Boss is still going at it."  
  
"Oh yeah, and guess what?" Laura continued. "On the way home from school today, Kana swears she saw a hamster shooting a snowman with a machine gun!"  
  
Hamtaro sighed. No surprise there.  
  
"Kana's weird sometimes. I think she should see a psychiatrist. Anyhow, that was about all that happened today except mom and dad read my Christmas list, which was totally embarrassing. Plus they sang and laughed and danced and threw confetti. It didn't get really bad until they started dancing around outside and throwing confetti at people. But oh well. That's mom and dad for ya." Laura shut her journal and looked at Hamtaro.  
  
"Only ten more days!" she told him. "I hope you're being a good little hamster! I know I am!"  
  
Hamtaro wanted to bite her. Instead, he went with the script and said "Heke" as always.  
  
~  
  
Oxnard: Hello there, this is DJ Oxnard coming to you from 91.7 FM, your Christmas radio station!!! I'm here to take requests for Christmas carols to be sung by the Hams for the next chapter or two! Gimme your requests (aka REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW) and I'll try and get them to sing.until then, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!  
  
~  
  
I think that chapter was better than the first one. It was funnier, to me at least. Anyhow, in case you haven't figured it out, I'm not gonna be able to do all 12 days before Christmas. But that just means that I'll keep you in the Christams spirit even longer since it'll probably take me past New Year's! Anyhow, review please, and uh, remember to send DJ Oxnard your requests for Christmas carols - you can tell me who you want to sing them, too - and if you have any other ideas you want me to use in this fic - annnnnnnd that's all for now. Hopefully I'll get at least one if not two more chapters up before Christmas. ^_^ 


	3. Day 3: Hey, Dominic!

Woooo. Sorry it took me so long to get this chappie up. I know I said I'd have at least one more chappie up before Christmas, but it turned out I couldn't because I got myself banned from updating for like a week because I posted an announcement. Naughty naughty Genie.  
  
If anyone knows who Pixistix318, aka Nonno, is, then could you tell me how to get in touch with her? She sent me an email a while back and I really wanted to reply to it but when I tried to it said "Pixistix318 is not a known member" but that was the address on the email so I don't know what the heck is going on.  
  
Thank-Q Cyborgirl0016 for the idea used in this chappie! Btw, I love that song, one of my absolute favorite Christmas songs!!! Lol  
  
Hope everyone had an absolutely wondachu Christmas / Hanukkah / whatever you celebrate. I'll be keeping you in the Christmas spirit for a while by doing all 12 days of this fic! lol ~  
  
Riiiiiiiiiing.  
  
"Hey Brandy, get the door will ya?" Marian Haruna called to her daughter.  
  
"Brandy's the dog, and he's outside," Laura replied absentmindedly. "Besides, that was the friggin' phone."  
  
"Oh, sorry, dear," Laura's mother said. "In that case, will you answer the phone, Hamtaro honey?"  
  
"MY NAME IS LAURA FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!" Laura screamed, tired of having her mother call her by her pets' names. "AND YES, IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPY I WILL ANSWER THE FRIGGING PHONE!!!" With a sigh, Laura picked up the receiver and put on her best Richard Simmons voice.  
  
"Hello, you've reached the Haruna residence, Laura Haruna speaking," Laura began. "If you'd like to speak to Forrest, please press 1 now. If you'd like to talk to Marian, please press 2 now. If you'd like to talk to Hamtaro, please press 3 now. If you'd like to talk to Brandy, please press 4 now. If you'd like to talk to Laura aka me then I don't know why the crap you even-"  
  
"Laura, it's me," Kana's voice came over the line.  
  
"OH HEY KANA!!!" Laura shouted.  
  
"Calm yourself, woman," Kana said.  
  
"OooooohhhhOOOhhhh sorry," Laura replied.  
  
"Look, me and my family, we're going to visit my cousin Dillan today on his ranch, for a kind of Christmas visit," Kana continued. "And I was wondering if you'd like to come?"  
  
"OH YEAH OH BOY OH SURE I'D LOVE TO!!!!!" Laura screamed with glee.  
  
"SHUT THE CRAP UP!!!" Kana shouted at her. "IT WAS A SIMPLE YES OR NO ANSWER!!!"  
  
"Oops!" Laura said. "I guess I got a little excited. Teehee!"  
  
"Okay, well we're leaving now," Kana told her. "So get your sorry butt over here ASAP."  
  
"Yes ma'am!" Laura replied. Then she slammed the receiver down and rushed off to Kana's house without even telling her parents where she was going. In the 13.6 seconds it took for Laura to get from her house to Kana's, Hamtaro somehow managed to get out of his cage, slide down the drainpipe, go to the clubhouse, tell everyone there that they were going to Dillan's, come back and jump in the back of Kana's car just as her father was closing the tailgate. And somehow, nobody in the car except Oxnard noticed that there were about ten other hamsters now in the back of the car.  
  
"HEY GUYS GUESS WHERE WE'RE GOING!!!" Oxnard shouted to them as soon as he saw them.  
  
"YEAH! WE KNOW!!!" they all answered. "WHY DO YOU THINK WE'RE ALL COMING?"  
  
"ISN'T IT GREAT?!" Oxnard yelled. "I GET TO SEE MY PEPPER AGAIN!!!"  
  
"YEAH! WE KNOW!!!" everyone replied. "NOW STOP YELLING!!!"  
  
"Right," Oxnard said. "Sorry."  
  
Before you could say E-I-E-I-O, or so it seemed, they found themselves outside Cousin Dillan's ranch. And then, as always, Kana foolishly put Oxnard in the "outdoor pen for hamsters" that Dillan had made even though hamsters can definitely fit through the huge gaps in the fence, not to mention even if they did stay in the pen, it would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack come time to leave. Nonetheless, in he went, closely followed by all the other Ham-Hams, and immediately began searching frantically for his beloved spicy condiment of a girlfriend.  
  
He found her sitting on a donkey singing "home on the range" to herself.  
  
"HEY PEPPER!!!" he screamed as soon as he saw her.  
  
"HIYA OXY!!!" she screamed in reply. Then she jumped onto the ground beside him, and, looking up at her donkey friend, said "Say hello, Dominic."  
  
"Dominic?" Oxnard asked.  
  
"Yeah, that's his name."  
  
"Dominic the donkey?"  
  
"Yeah, it's the donkey's name."  
  
"THE Dominic the Donkey??? The Italian Christmas Donkey???" Oxnard asked, getting excited.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Pepper asked.  
  
"You know, the song!" Oxnard shouted joyously. He turned to the others, standing behind him. "You guys know what I'm talking about, right?"  
  
"Sure!" Hamtaro said. "You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Don-"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Oxnard shouted. "That's the wrong song!"  
  
"Oops," Hamtaro muttered. "Then who the heck is Dominic the Donkey?"  
  
Oxnard sighed. "Must I sing it for you?"  
  
Everyone nodded.  
  
"Okay, here goes." Oxnard cleared his throat. "Jingity jing, HEE-HAW, HEE- HAW, it's Dominic the Donkey! Jingity jing, HEE-HAW, HEE-HAW, the Italian Christmas Donkey!!! Oh, la la laaaa, la la la la la la la! La la laaaa, la la la la dee-oh-da!"  
  
"Oh wow, I know this song," Boss said as Oxnard finished the chorus.  
  
"Oh yeah?" Oxnard said brightly.  
  
"Yeah, sure," Boss replied. "Santa's got a little friend and his name is Dominic! The cutest little donkey, you never see him kick! When Santa visits his paisons, with Dominic he'll be, because the reindeer cannot climb the hills of Italy!"  
  
"That's the one!" Oxnard shouted happily. Boss smiled and Pepper gave them both a really weird look.  
  
"Hey, jingity jing!" Oxnard and Boss both sang. "Hee-haw! Hee-haw! It's Dominic the Donkey! Jingity jing! Hee-haw! Hee-haw! The Italian Christmas Donkey! OH! La la laaaa la la la la la la la! La la laaaa la la la la dee- oh-da!"  
  
"Jingle bells around his feet and presents on the sled..."  
  
"You know it too, Maxwell?" Oxnard said with amazement. Frankly, it was pretty amazing how many of them knew the song.  
  
Maxwell nodded. "Hey, look at the mayor's derby on top of Dominic's head! A pair of shoes for Louie and a dress for Josephine..."  
  
"The label on the inside says they're made in Brook-a-lyn!" Oxnard and Boss finished. And then the three of them were singing the chorus together while Pepper stared in confusion and concern. Concern for their sanity. The others, however, were catching the tune and started dancing and singing along as well.  
  
"Children sing and clap their hands and Dominic starts to dance!" Sandy sang.  
  
To which Stan replied:  
  
"They talk Italian to him and he even understands!"  
  
"Cumpare sing, cumpare su, and dance 'sta tarantel..." Dexter sang.  
  
"When jusamagora comes to town..." Howdy continued.  
  
"And brings du ciuccianello!" both of them finished.  
  
And then it was back to the chorus, now every last one of them, except Pepper, joining in.  
  
Hamtaro: Jingity jing! Oxnard: HEE-HAW! HEE-HAW! Boss: It's Dominic the Donkey! Bijou: Jingity jing! Stan: HEE-HAW! HEE-HAW! Sandy: The Italian Christmas Donkey! All: HEY! Pashmina: La la laaaaa la la la la la la la Cappy: La la laaaaa la la la la dee-oh-da!  
  
"You've all lost your marbles!" Pepper shrieked. Then she leapt onto her donkey's head, gave a "Giddyup, Dominic!" and with a whoosh of hooves, galloped off to find some sanity.  
  
"Hey, Dominic!" Oxnard shouted after her. "Buon Natale!"  
  
~  
  
Unfortunately, Pepper was unable to find any sanity with the humans inside the house either. When she entered the room, Dillan was running around in circles with socks on his hands and nose and ears yelling "SOCKS!!! ALL I EVER GET FOR CHRISTMAS IS SOCKS!!!!" while Laura, Kana, and her parents just laughed at him. Poor Dillan.  
  
~  
  
That evening Laura came back home and once again wrote in her journal before going to sleep.  
  
"It was a fun day," she wrote. "I went to Dillan's ranch with Kana and her family. Too bad I forgot to tell Mom and Dad where I was going, cuz when I came home Dad was practically having a seizure over my absence and Mom had just gotten dressed in her black spy bodysuit to go on a top-secret mission to find me. I think she thought I'd been kidnapped or something. But that's Mom. You know how she is." Laura sighed and closed her journal. "Nine more days, little buddy," she told Hamtaro.  
  
"You're stupid," Hamtaro thought to himself.  
  
~  
  
Weeeeeeeeeeeee since I didn't update again before Christmas I wrote you guys 3 MORE CHAPTERS INDSTEAD OF JUST ONE!!! That's right, click the 'next chappie' button, you know you want to! 


	4. Day 4: I saw Sandy kissing Maxy kun

Heehee. I promised Numbuh 7 a S+M mistletoe scene. So I put it in this chappie. ^^  
  
~  
  
Laura was humming to herself as she came down to breakfast that morning.  
  
"What are you so dang happy about?" her mother asked her with a smile.  
  
"Not gonna tell you, not gonna tell you, not gonna tell you," Laura replied. "But I'm going out to pick some mistletoe, okay?"  
  
Her mom shrugged. "Whatever you say, dear..."  
  
After she had left the house in a hurry, Forrest shuffled into the kitchen in his slippers and yawned. "Where's Laura?" he asked. "Shouldn't she be getting ready for school?"  
  
"Oh, she went to pick some mistletoe," Marian answered casually.  
  
Forrest thought this over for a second before asking "Where does she think she's gonna find mistletoe? And isn't it poisonous?"  
  
Marian shrugged again. "Whatever you say, dear..."  
  
~  
  
Hamtaro almost fell over when he stepped into the clubhouse that morning. Everywhere, from every possible place, hung bundles of mistletoe.  
  
"Phew," Hamtaro sighed. "Someone's in the holiday spirit."  
  
"Who do you think?" Sandy asked, walking up beside him. "My stupid brother decided that if he decorated the entire clubhouse with mistletoe, he would be bound to get at least one good kiss before Christmas is over. Of course, he didn't stop to think that every other guy would have just as good a chance as him."  
  
At that very moment, both Howdy and Dexter were fighting over one particular bunch of mistletoe, trying desperately to get Pashmina to come over while at the same time trying to get the other one away from the mistletoe.  
  
"Hey, dude," a familiar voice came from behind Hamtaro.  
  
"Speak of the devil," Sandy sighed.  
  
"What?" Stan asked.  
  
"You'll never learn, will you, bro?" Sandy said, then noticed that Maxwell was standing precariously close to a bunch of mistletoe and decided not to pass up the opportunity for a little holiday lovin'.  
  
"Oh MAX-well," she said in a sing-song voice as she approached him.  
  
"Yes?" Maxwell replied.  
  
Sandy motioned towards the mistletoe with her head. Maxwell went red in the face.  
  
"Oh come ON," Sandy said. She grabbed Maxwell by the paw and dragged him under the mistletoe. Before he could react, she planted a huge kiss on his lips.  
  
When she pulled away, Maxwell was even redder than before. But then a sly smile crossed his face and he said "That was nice. Let's do it again."  
  
Sandy was in no mood to turn down the offer and before you could say "Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night" they were enjoying a little make- out session in full view of everyone else in the clubhouse. It made Stan want to puke and made Howdy and Dexter all the more eager to get Pashmina under the mistletoe alone.  
  
Finally she came over, and they both started trying desperately to shove the other one out of the way. But they both froze in place to listen when she opened her mouth to speak.  
  
"You know," she began, smiling broadly, "if you're going to play by the rules, whenever two people are standing under the mistletoe together, regardless of gender, they're supposed to kiss each other."  
  
It took a minute for this new information to sink in. Then, slowly, Howdy and Dexter both looked up at the mistletoe above their heads, then turned to look at each other, standing side by side directly underneath it.  
  
There was a momentary still silence. Then, with a horrified shout, they both jumped aside as quickly as possible, then pretended to gag. Pashmina got a good laugh out of that.  
  
~  
  
Laura skipped down the hall at school and into her classroom, humming to herself. She scanned the room for Travis as soon as she got inside, found him, and traipsed over to his desk.  
  
"Whaddaya want now?" he demanded, and spat on the floor.  
  
"I have a SURPRISE!!!" Laura told him.  
  
Travis rolled his eyes and groaned. "Great."  
  
Laura reached into her backpack and pulled out some mistletoe. "Look what I brought!" she said. "You know what you're supposed to do when you're under the mistletoe with someone, right?" Laura giggled dreamily.  
  
Travis nodded.  
  
"Well then," Laura said, and held the mistletoe over her and Travis' heads. "Are you going to-"  
  
Laura couldn't finish what she was saying as she had just taken a fist to her jaw and stumbled backwards onto the floor.  
  
"OWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!" she cried. "Why'd you do that?! You were supposed to kiss me!"  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," Travis replied. "I thought you were supposed to PUNCH the person you were under the mistletoe with."  
  
Laura mumbled something about where the heck he had heard that, then stood up and turned away, still holding the mistletoe above her head. Staring at the floor, she didn't notice when she walked right into Fat Kid.  
  
"Ohmygosh," Fat Kid whispered, seeing the mistletoe in Laura's hand.  
  
Laura looked up. "Hmm?"  
  
Fat Kid grabbed her hands in his and stared into her eyes. "I've always wanted to tell you how I feel about you," he said. "I never knew you felt the same way!"  
  
Laura wanted to scream, but it was too late; Fat Kid's mouth was already pressed against hers...  
  
~  
  
"TODAY SUCKED!!!" Laura wrote furiously in her journal that evening. "I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT PUNCHED BY TRAVIS AND KISSED BY FAT KID ALL IN THE SAME TWO MINUTES!!!"  
  
"Hahaha!" Hamtaro laughed to himself. "Sucks for you!"  
  
~  
  
Man, I really don't know why I'm being so mean to Laura in this fic, I really have nothing against her. Oh well. Next chapter, next chapter, next chapter NOW, I command you!!! 


	5. Day 5: Feeling that holiday spirit yet?

Okay, in this chappie I used a wonderful idea that john sent me. Thanks john!!! I didn't know if u meant they should sing the actual song, though, or have them come up with their own 12 days, so I did the latter. I think it's funnier that way. Tell me what you think. ^^  
  
~  
  
It was getting closer and closer to Christmas, and Mr. Yoshi was still drilling the class with stuff about plants and weather and history stuff. Laura, getting annoyed and feeling that he was not at all in the holiday spirit, decided to perk the class up a bit.  
  
"HEY, LET'S SING A CHRISTMAS CAROL!!!" she randomly screamed in the middle of a lesson.  
  
Mr. Yoshi looked at her the way a mother bear looks at someone that has just gotten in between her and her cubs.  
  
And then he shouted back at her, "SHUT THE HECK UP!!!"  
  
But it was too late. The class had already agreed with Laura's proposition, and had began singing their own version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas."  
  
"On the first day of Christmas, Mr. Yoshi gave to me, a science project about trees!" Laura started, and her classmates joined in one by one with their own ideas.  
  
"On the second day of Christmas, Mr. Yoshi gave to me," Kana sang, "Two tests to study for, and a science fair project about trees!"  
  
"On the third day of Christmas, Mr. Yoshi gave to me, three F's on my report card, two tests to study for, and a science fair project about trees!" This came from Kylie.  
  
Then it was June's turn. "On the fourth day of Christmas, Mr. Yoshi gave to me, four piles of homework, three F's on my report card, two tests to study for and a science fair project about trees!"  
  
Travis decided to give his thoughts next. "On the fifth day of Christmas Mr. Yoshi gave to me, SHUT UP IDIOTS!!!"  
  
The cheesy background music coming from nowhere in particular abruptly halted.  
  
"Travis...you...but..." Laura stuttered.  
  
Travis spit on the ground and said "I'm going to the water fountain. See you losers in a few minutes."  
  
He didn't come back for the rest of the day.  
  
But the class kept singing.  
  
Fat Kid, although still indignant about being dubbed Fat Kid, added the next line to the song. "On the sixth day of Christmas, Mr. Yoshi gave to me, six hours of detention, SHUT UP IDIOTS, four piles of homework, three F's on my report card, two tests to study for, and a science fair project about trees!"  
  
And so it went, with random students interjecting (A/N: is that a word?) new lines to the song, until it came out something like this:  
  
On the twelfth day of Christmas, Mr. Yoshi gave to me, THAT'S IT I'M QUITTING! (Mr. Yoshi did that one) Eleven dumb math problems Ten evil glances Nine poisoned apples (don't ask) Eight things, uh... Seven points on a quiz Six hours of detention SHUT UP IDIOTS! Four piles of homework Three F's on my report card Two tests to study for And a science fair project about trees!  
  
~  
  
Having heard the song himself and getting another one of his bright ideas, Hamtaro was excited about getting the Ham-Hams to make up their own version of the Twelve Days Of Christmas. He burst through the door with a song in his furry little heart and shouted "ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY OWNER GAVE TO ME, A HANDFUL OF SUNFLOWER SEEDS!!!"  
  
Everyone dropped what they were doing and stared at him.  
  
"Come on, guys!" Hamtaro shouted. "Don't you know the twelve days of Christmas? If you know Dominic the Donkey, you ought to know the twelve days of Christmas."  
  
"Oui, we know it," Bijou replied.  
  
"Hehehe..." Oxnard laughed. "She said wee-wee..."  
  
Bijou bashed him over the head with a rubber mallet.  
  
"AS I WAS SAYING," Bijou said. "I know ze song."  
  
"GREAT!!!" Hamtaro said. "THEN LET'S ALL SING!!!"  
  
"You don't have to shout," Bijou said irritably.  
  
"Sorry," Hamtaro replied. "Okay, I'm gonna start the song over, and you guys all come up with different lines, okay?"  
  
"Okay," they all sighed half-heartedly.  
  
Hamtaro cleared his throat. "On the first day of Christmas my owner gave to me, a handful of sunflower seeds!"  
  
"On ze second day of Christmas, my owner gave to me, two brand new ribbons, and a handful of sunflower seeds!" Bijou added.  
  
"On the third day of Christmas my owner gave to me, three giant steamrollers, two brand new ribbons and a handful of sunflower seeds!" Boss said next.  
  
"Steamrollers?" Hamtaro asked him quizzically.  
  
"Heck, I like to smash things," Boss shrugged.  
  
"Alrighty then..."  
  
"On the fourth day of Christmas," Cappy said, "my owner gave to me, four awesome hats, three giant steamrollers, two brand new ribbons and a handful of sunflower seeds!"  
  
"Oy, Cappy," Boss said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're so darn predictable."  
  
"Am I?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oh well."  
  
"On the fifth day of Christmas, my owner gave to me, FIVE PASTRY TRUCKS!!!" Oxnard sang.  
  
Everyone fell over anime style.  
  
And Oxnard continued. "Four awesome hats, three giant bulldozers, two brand new ribbons and a handful of sunflower seeds!"  
  
"On the sixth day of Christmas my owner gave to me, six singing munchkins, FIVE PASTRY TRUCKS! Four awesome hats, three giant steamrollers, two brand new ribbons and a handful of sunflower seeds!" Howdy added.  
  
"Singing munchkins???" Dexter asked.  
  
"Who doesn't like singing munchkins?" Howdy said disbelievingly. "Haven't you seen 'The Wizard of Oz'? You're so uncultured!"  
  
Dexter sighed and rolled his eyes, then continued the song. "On the seventh day of Christmas my owner gave to me, seven tubes of toothpaste, six...er...singing munchkins, FIVE PASTRY TRUCKS!!! Four awesome hats, three giant steamrollers, two brand new ribbons and a handful of sunflower seeds!"  
  
"And how is toothpaste any better than singing munchkins?" Howdy demanded.  
  
"This is how," Dexter replied, and he opened his mouth showing off his gleaming white teeth which practically blinded Howdy.  
  
"On the eighth day of Christmas," Panda sang, shielding his eyes from the toothy glare, "my owner gave to me, eight jigsaw puzzles, seven tubes of toothpaste, six singing munchkins, FIVE PASTRY TRUCKS!! Four awesome hats, three giant steamrollers, two brand new ribbons and a handful of sunflower seeds!"  
  
"You like jigsaws?" Boss asked.  
  
"Jigsaws AND jigsaw puzzles!" Panda replied.  
  
(A/N: for those of you who don't know, there is a kind of tool called a jigsaw)  
  
"On the ninth day of Christmas, my owner gave to me, nine flying monkeys, eight jigsaw puzzles, seven tubes of toothpaste, six singing munchkins, FIVE PASTRY TRUCKS!!! Four awesome hats, three giant steamrollers, two brand new ribbons and a handful of sunflower seeds!" Pashmina went next.  
  
"WHAT IS IT WITH THIS WIZARD OF OZ THEME?!" Dexter said.  
  
Pashmina shrugged. "I've always wanted a flying monkey..."  
  
"On the tenth day of Christmas, my owner gave to me," Stan began (A/N: hey, that rhymes!), "ten sexy girlfriends-"  
  
Before he could continue, Sandy had grabbed him by the tail with her ribbon and was dragging him away while at the same time singing, "On the eleventh day of Christmas my owner gave to me, eleven chocolate cupcakes, STAN YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT, nine flying monkeys, eight jigsaw puzzles, seven tubes of toothpaste, six singing munchkins, FIVE PASTRY TRUCKS!!! Four awesome hats, three giant steamrollers, two brand new ribbons and a handful of sunflower seeds!"  
  
Maxwell watched his girlfriend disciplining her brother for a moment and then turned to others. "I guess that leaves me, huh?" He thought for a second and then said, "On the twelfth day of Christmas, my owner gave to me, twelve works of Shakespeare-"  
  
There was a unanimous groan throughout the clubhouse.  
  
"What?" Maxwell said. "Shakespeare was perhaps the greatest playwright of all time! Anyone should be ecstatic to receive twelve of his famous works for Christmas! You just don't appreciate his genius! Why, just the other day..."  
  
~  
  
"Today was AWESOME!!!" Laura wrote that night. "We sang in class!"  
  
"Yeah...we sang too...," Hamtaro said to himself. "But then Max went into a lecture on Shakespeare, and it all went downhill from there..."  
  
Laura slammed her journal in a very hyperactive way, then looked at Hamtaro. "Six more days, and then it will be Christmas!" she told him, as if he cared.  
  
~  
  
Stan: Hey dudes and dudettes, this is DJ Stan filling in for DJ Oxnard, who ate too many pastry trucks and is currently experiencing an awful stomach ache.anyhow, send me your song requests, and I'll get the others to sing them for your pleasure.  
  
~  
  
Okay, that's all for now. Kirbykat and Sandygal, I'll use your ideas in the next chapters. Til then, this is Geniemaster, signing off.  
  
Oh yeah - how could I forget - HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!  
  
(PS - don't forget to review!!!) 


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